I wanted to do something a little different this week. I needed to sing this song, I needed to remind myself of truth that I had written. So, instead of a video of the story and a written blog I thought I'd share a more raw, acoustic, non edited version of this song with you and blog about the story. :)
I did not want to write this. It’s been a very hard week, to say the least. Maybe one day I'll get into it, but right now, I'll leave you in vague transparency. And even though I FEEL like it doesn’t make sense to do this right now, I KNOW that it actually makes the most sense. We don't always have to project a false reality that everything is perfect; sometimes its ok to not be ok and to say that you’re not ok. And I know that it was not by accident that this song was the next on my list to talk about.
When we were preparing for recording, Josh (my producer) and I had a list of about 10 songs we were cutting down to 6 to put on the EP. He told me to list my top 6 in order and this one was literally number 7 for me, it almost didn't make the cut. It was number one on his list and probably everyone else’s, but for some reason I was having a hard time connecting to it. This song is a song of desperation, a cry of brokenness, a song of pain and longing and at the time I wasn’t feeling those emotions. But thank God we didn't go with my gut. ;) I think this was one of those that at the time you don’t know why you’re writing, but find out later. Sure enough, God has used this one specifically to touch many people and now it's coming full circle for me personally. I am so thankful to have these words, and I have to remind myself that these lyrics came from my heart, they are words that came out of my mouth.
Sometimes life is just hard. And you have all the advice in the world for other people going through things and then when something happens to you nothing makes sense...anyone relate?? It can just feel like, “God are you there?!” “Do you even hear me, do you even care?”
But he does. And no matter what your circumstance says, or what it feels like, He hasn’t left. Things might have turned out differently than you thought, but His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts, we don’t see things the way a sovereign, outside-of-time-and-space-God does.
But it’s ok to not understand. It’s ok to be disappointed. And what I love about music is that it gives us the words we’re looking for and the prayers we need to pray. That's what I hope this could be for some of you. I pray that these words could help you navigate your feelings, and not only that, but bring a little bit of light and hope to your situation. I believe music can do that.
If you find yourself in a trying season right now, or even if you don't, the word of God is alive and powerful and brings revelation that no words that I could sing or speak could bring. So I want to leave you with some scriptures that have been encouragement to me lately and share the same theme of this song. As always, if God has used this song to encourage you or help you in any way, I'd love to hear about it!
“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand you save me.”
“The Lord, himself, goes before you and will be there with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
"The lord is my sheperd
I shall not want
He makes me lie down in green pastures
He leads me besides still waters
He restores my soul
He leads me in path’s of righteousness for his name’s sake
Even though i walk through the valley of the shawdow of death
I will fear no evil
For you are with me"
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."