No matter how I start this, nothing seems to be good enough; no words suffice. It feels like the end of a hard and exhilarating season and also the beginning of a new era.
I feel like a bride who spent a year preparing for her wedding day. All of the planning and preparing and stress and excitement leading up to that day is over all too quickly, yet at the same time she has a lifetime of new adventures awaiting her.
I want to say to everyone reading this, that I am beyond humbled by your support. Encouraged is an understatement. God has used so many of you to speak life and belief into my SOUL. Thank you!
Many of you have been following along with me since November of last year as I announced my kickstarter campaign, raised the money, recorded in Nashville, anticipated and awaited the release, FINALLY released the music and had my first show, just last week! It has been an incredible journey so far and I want those of you who have been in step with me to feel included in every part of my journey.
I also want to look back and remember God’s faithfulness.
The whole process has been scary, but nothing could have prepared me for last week. It’s really easy to make this about yourself. It’s really easy to get caught up in what everyone will think of you and what you’ve created, and the enemy loves to bring up insecurities you’ve overcome at JUST the right time. But anytime we step out into obedience and risk, we WILL be met with opposition. I let myself feel all of the things- all of the fear, insecurity, stress, pressure, because it's part of what made the aftermath beautiful.
Friday was truly one of the most special experiences of my life. From getting up in the morning and receiving the excitement and encouragement, to being in awe of God bringing me to this point and just trying to savor up every moment. I felt unworthy, but chosen to be used for my Father’s glory. It was a feeling I never want to forget.
I had never done a “show” before. I lead worship in front of hundreds and even thousands of people every week, but this was different. From start to finish, I was responsible for how it went. These were my songs, my words, my heart and this was literally the most vulnerable thing I had ever done. I had never been so nervous in my life. “Is it too late to cancel?!” I wanted to scream. “WHYYYYY DID I SIGN UP FOR THIS!?”
Zac Morgan, my friend and someone who has helped me in so many ways during this process, came backstage and prayed over the night. He could feel my nerves and said “Macy, you are going to walk on that stage and realize that every person in this room is for you! This is a celebration of what God has ALREADY done! Just be you.” Thanks Zac :) It was exactly what happened. Walking out on that stage (which apparently was the most dramatic part of the night) was like walking out to a family of people, so proud to see and hear what God had done in my life.
The show honestly was a milestone in my life. It was a confirmation that I can do this… that God has given me enough.
A friend who has been in my life and who I’ve been praying for since 8th grade was there. Afterwards I got this message from him: “Macy, tonight was amazing! I was touched by each and every song in ways I cannot explain… the Holy Spirit truly flooded the entire room and I felt it in my soul! I’m at a major turning point in my life and your words, those are the kind I want to live by! So happy for you my friend! I will always love you for this!”
All of the time, all of the tears and stress, all of it worth it. If all of it was for him, worth it. God loves him that much. But I believe there are more people like my friend whose very soul could be impacted.
In fact, my goal and my prayer for this EP was to create music that someone who has never known God could understand, and someone who has been following him forever could resonate with as well. I feel like often we have to sacrifice creativity for it to be “catchy” or “worshipful” but I wanted both; Songs and music that were unique while ALSO being singable. And finally, I told my producer, “I just want this to feel like heaven!”
So what happens now?
It’s so easy to ALREADY question Him. I was reminded of the Israelites who God led out of slavery and captivity. And yet even after all he had done they questioned him, they worshiped other idols, they wished they hadn’t even followed Moses out Egypt. AFTER ALL THAT GOD HAD DONE. We read that story and think, “how could they do that?” But we do the same thing. God has been right beside me (no song pun intended) this whole time and yet I still question what’s going to happen next and if he’s still going to be with me.
He is patient to remind me. He is faithful, and He will always be. And He does not withhold.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”